In the wake of an attempted bombing on a Northwest Airlines flight on Christmas Day, all the armchair presidents in Congress are wringing their hands and wondering how this could (almost) happen again in the U.S. Those in the Republican armchairs are scrambling to figure out how to blame the Kenyan-born secret Muslim alien for this breach in security.
But all are astounded – ASTOUNDED! – that this could happen in the midst of our beefed-up, post-9/11 airline security. Moreover, they’re shocked – SHOCKED! – that the CIA missed a cue that this terror attack was about to occur.
Me, I’m not that astounded. Or shocked. I’ve flown several times since 9/11 and it’s easy to understand how some guy with explosives tucked in his tightie whities got through security. For one thing, no TSA agent is going to pat down somebody’s junk in public. That’s just creepy. And it attracts lawyers. Which is even creepier.
Secondly, the TSA is so busy confiscating lip gloss from blond, blue-eyed cheerleaders and frisking little old ladies for any tucked-away cans of Ensure, who has time to check out passengers hailing from countries known to harbor Islamic terrorists? Out of the dread fear of being accused of “profiling,” the TSA wastes time and resources searching anyone and everyone rather than focusing on the ones most likely to be associated with radical Islamic terrorism.
Yeah, it’s profiling. So what. I heard a great quote the other day: 100 percent of Muslims are not terrorists. But 100 percent of the al-Qaeda terrorists who attacked the U.S. on 9/11 are Muslim. And we’re still wasting time at the airport patting down fat, bald salesmen in Steelers T-shirts and fanny packs because someone in the Muslim community might get their feelings hurt if we focus on them?
Oh, boo hoo. If you come from one of those countries that harbors the sort of animals that fly airplanes into buildings, and strap dynamite to their chests and blow up innocent civilians at markets and restaurants, and saw people’s heads off and post it on You Tube, then you should be strip-searched, cavity-searched, X-rayed, fingerprinted and embedded with a GPS chip before entering the U.S. And if you don’t like that, then don’t come to the U.S. It’s that simple.
And, if you’re about to go all apoplectic about my shocking, disgusting “racism,” save it. Place your gripes at the feet of the ones who are responsible for it: Osama bin Laden and his minions.
As for the so-called “warning” the CIA missed on Dec. 25, it was something along the lines of “some Muslim from Nigeria is going to attack somewhere someday somehow at some time.” Now there’s the kind of useful information you can work with. Moreover, that’s different from any other day of the week… how? Isn’t “We are Terrorist! We Kill You!” pretty much status quo now?
However, just to make sure the CIA didn’t drop the ball, I have intercepted an email of that warning from Umar Abdulmutallab’s father that his son was about to launch a terrorist attack, and will now share it for your scrutiny:
I am Alhaji Umaru Mutallab, serving on the Board of Directors of the First Bank
of Nigeria out of Lagos. I have the courage to crave indulgence for this important
business believing that you will never let me down either now or in the future.
My son, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, whose education at London University I have funded,
has shown his gratitude by joining radical Islamist terrorists. He may be in Argentina
or Sri Lanka or Yemen. Word has come to me that he plans to launch a terrorist attack
somewhere someday somehow at some time.
In order to correct my son’s misguidance, I have deposited $12M.USD (TWELVE MILLION
US DOLLARS) in Account to entice him to home return. The bank sent routine notification
to his forwarding address but got no reply. I have gotten word that my son met untimely
demise following undergarment explosion, or may now actually be daughter.
This money $12M.USD (TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS) is sitting in my bank as dormant
Account. No one will ever come forward to claim it, and according to Nigerian Banking
policy, after some years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian
My proposal is that I am looking for a foreigner who will stand in as next of kin
to beneficiary, and open a bank Account abroad to facilitate transfer of this Money.
All you have to do is to open Account anywhere in the world and send me its detail
to arrange the proper money transfer paperwork, and facilitate the transfer. The
money will then pay into this Account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me,
35% for you and 5% for transfer processes’ expense.
There is no risk at all, and all paper workings for transaction will be employed
by me using my position and connections to First Bank of Nigeria. If you are interested,
please immediately reply through my personal email sending the following details:
(1) Your Full Name/Address (2) Your Private Telephone/fax Number. Please observe
the utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction would be most
profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest some
of my share in your country. I look forward to your earliest reply.
Yours, Alhaji Umaru Mutallab
So don’t beat yourselves up too much, CIA agents. I delete those emails too.